Musings
by Lekta
Summary: Barbara remembers the past, Helena ponders the present and Dinah wonders about the future...


**Author's Notes: This is my second Birds of Prey fanfic, the other one isn't up yet but it will be soon. I have always loved Birds of Prey and even read some of the comics. They are awesome! I decided that since this fic is so philosophical and serious I would be extremely insane and weird in the Author's Notes.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Birds of Prey...**

**Funny Words**

**Sassafras! _say it with me now, Sassafras!_**

**Bungalow _anyone seen the episode of Sabrina?_**

**Spleen _honestly, this is the funniest organ ever_**

**Buddlenut _completely and toe-tally random_**

**Moogle _these guys are so cute! and they all have funny names! MOOGLE!_**

Batgirl.

That was who I was, or am I still her? I still fight crime and I still have red hair, so am I still her? Batgirl was young and impudent, she was, is headstrong and invincible. Yes, that's what I used to think until a bullet shattered me and I was Batgirl no more. Those painful weeks, months spent in the hospital and in physiotherapy were just that, painful. I thought I would die, one day I was swinging from rooftops by night, dancing by day and then I was trapped to my own personal hell.

My wheelchair.

More like a portable cage, I made many promises when I was in the hospital. That I would find Bruce and once again become Batgirl. That I would continue to fight and never give in to my wheelchair. I haven't found Bruce and I don't think I really want to, he was my mentor and friend but, there's something in the way Helena says his name, that makes our reunion even more unapealing. Maybe her hate and contempt for him is rubbing off on me. I remember, when I killed Sandy's sister, I was determined to capture her at any cost, including my life and the lives of my fellow vigilantes. When I finally caught her I was ecstatic, I was so sure that this would be the greatest triumph in my career. It turned out to be one of my biggest mistakes.

My first biggest mistake was answering the door, I' ve run over the scenario a thousand times in my head and it still doesn't make any sense. Maybe I was too distraught over Selina's death and the thought of Helena alone on the street. I ran to the door thinking it was her and it was HIM. I rememberedthe Jokerfrom many battles that Bruce, Dick, Tim and I had fought. I started this superhero gig as a way to help people or maybe I was fascinated with Batman, the Caped Crusader. Maybe I just wanted to help my father or rebel against him. Either way, being Batgirl was the greatest time of my life. I craved the adrenaline of a life or death fight, the rewarding feeling of kicking ass. What? You didn't think I hadn't learned a few words from Helena over the years, did you? Oh yes, a few years ago I was being mentored and now I am the metor.

Heh, heh.

Oh sweet irony, I thought that I would be Batgirl forever but now, I'm Oracle. I hated children and wanted nothing to do with them, I raised Helena and am raising Dinah. I'm also a teacher, my life has always been about irony's.

Batgirl is, was wonderful and I miss being her. But I think I miss being Barbara Gordon more. I miss having stable relationships, and being able to have fun and not worrying about the innocent people of New Gotham. To quote myself, we fight because it's who we are. I can't imagine my life without Batgirl and Oracle. Everything that happened has shaped me into the person I am today. A mother, a mentor, a friend, a superhero and a teacher.

It has shaped me into, Barbara Gordon. I am not Batgirl anymore, I am Oracle, I am a thousand times better than Batgirl.

Huntress.

That's what they call me. The Huntress. A predator of the night, my father's daughter. When I was younger I was happy, it was just me and my mom. Two single females, best friends. I never wondered about my dad because he was a stranger, at least to me.

I knew that if I never met him, never even found out his name that my life would be much better.

I was wrong.

I found out my mother was Catwoman, I found her costume and whip in her closet.

Heh.

It's sorta funny to imagine her as a femme fatale when she was wearing pink Winnie the Pooh pajamas and there was a smidge of flour on her nose. She was a thief, a criminal and she did whatever the hell she wanted. The only one to ever get close enough to her was Batman, my father. I became a superhero after she was murdered, partly to control my anger and partly because it's what I was born to do.

Yes, I DO pay attention to Barbara.

I could have easily became a thief, like my mother, I've always had a dark side. Dinah's been making jokes about taking a walk down the wildside, says that most people have a ying and a yang but I'm special I have a larger dark side. Maybe the kid's right. But I chose the more valiant path, the path of light or so Alfred says. Barbara says that I became a superhero because I wanted to get to know my father. Maybe that's true.

Dr.Quinzell said that knowing that my father followed my steps gives me a sense of security. Hey, she was a psyho but she knew what she was talking about.

It's true. In my heart I know that it's true. I thought that my mother might be mad that I chose him over her, that was one of the main reason I didn't want to become a superhero. I felt like somehow I had betrayed her. Barbara was quick to correct me, she said that my mother would be so proud of the woman I had become, proud that I had done the right thing and chose to help people. Barbara told me that my mother was always a fan of the edge, she was a very self-destructive and revengeful person. But that Batman had taught her to love and that I had turned her into a mother. I had changed her around and helped her make the right choice in life.

I have no regrets. My name is Helena Kyle, daughter of Selina Kyle and Bruce Wayne. A child of dark and light. A thief and a hero.

A Huntess. A hero. Truly my father's daughter.

Black Canary.

That name has been on my mind a lot lately. A funny thought, an oxy moron. A forgotten hero, a dead woman remebered by her only daughter. I knew I was meant to be a superhero the day I met Barbara and Helena, my visions had led me there for a reason. At first I thought that it they had led me to my true calling, to my family. In a way I was right, Barbara and Helena are my family and they led me to my mother.

My mother. The Black Canary.

A trailblazer for woman superheroes. A legend. When she died I found myself even more determined to become a superhero. Maybe I would be a legend someday. Maybe my daughter would learn about my past and follow in my footsteps. It could be a whole Lance female family thing. Or maybe I would have a boy and he could follow in my footsteps. I could call him Red Hawk.

Hahaha.

That was funny. Maybe I would be forgotten and my children could make their own path instead of following mine. I felt like I had to fill in her shoes, to be as great as she was. I felt determined and overwhelmed. The walls of my life, the barriers I had built crumbled onto each other and merged into one goal.

Become my mother.

Maybe itis my destiny to die young. Maybe I wouldn't have any kids. God knows how many times I risk my life a day. Everytime I slip into that costume I risk my future and the future of my children. I could die one day, lonely.

She was amazing. She was beautiful. She's dead.

Like I will be to, some day. Maybe today, maybe tommorow. Everyone dies, but I'm scared. I don't wanna before having lived. I know the risks and the consequences of my job. I don't want to become my mother, not anymore. My mother was a superhero, that's true. She also wasn't much of a mother. She gave up her only daughter. Some superhero. Helena's mom was a criminal, she was a thief but she gave it all up, for Helena. My mother was a superhero, a warrior woman, a rolemodel but she couldn't give it up, not even for me.

I won't become my mother. No, I will become better than her. I am thankful, she taught me how to be me.

I will become Dinah Laurel Lance. The New Black Canary.

**What do you think? These are my interpretations of how the characters feel. I know that some of the information might be incorrect and if you find any mistakes please tell me so that I may correct them. Thank you. Reviews are welcome and appreciated.**

**To: _All the flamers_**

_**Thank you for taking the time to read my story and even wasting minutes of your life wriritng about me and my story. **_

**To: _All the loyal fans of this story_**

_**You guys rock and thank you for complimenting and reading my story. You're good people, you really are.**_


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